A daughter-in-law’s story – Ammal Mathew

As a daughter-in-law of the family, let me share my memories about Achayan and Ammachy.

The perfect way to begin would be my first day in Chirayil House. On the fifth day after marriage which was my first day in the house, I got up early, got ready and marched myself to the kitchen. Ammachy was already there. With a sweet smile in my direction she promptly went on with her chores. I didn’t know what to do but stand there and watch her do all the work by herself. How embarrassing!!! It would’ve helped if she had told me what to do but she didn’t and for good reason. She, it turns out, had a set pattern around the kitchen. The first thing she did was to get the ‘aduppu’ (wood stove) ready, then keep the ‘kalam’ (pot) with water for boiling rice on it. Only after this would she switch on the gas stove to make coffee. I swear I also remember her telling me there was no need to wake up so early as there was no such formality in the house and then she made me coffee.

I used to think at first that she was a bit miserly. For good reason, wouldn’t you think? She used to make coffee for the entire family with just one glass of milk. At times, she would scold me for not keeping the left out milk in the fridge, even if it was only half a glass. It was only much later on in life that I realized that this was how she managed to get all her seven children well educated and could bring them up successfully on Achayan’s limited salary as a school teacher.

She loved her children very deeply. There were times when I felt that only her children were allowed into the inner circle. But I know she loved all of us spouses and her grandchildren even though she never expressed this love. Over the years, when I got to know her better, I realized that that was her nature. She might not have expressed it but her love was there for everyone to see and she cared very deeply for each one of us. An example of her love for her daughters-in-law was her sharp reaction to a stray comment about me always falling sick. Ammachy very angrily replied with, ‘Ammal does all her work, is managing her own house and children very well. No one else is doing it for her’. I do not remember if I was there at the time but I remember being very thrilled when I heard about it and I will always remember the incident with gratitude.

I also remember getting a knife from Ammachi before leaving for Madras for the first time. It was strange as I expected advice from her, since I did not have a mother anymore to tell me what to take into a new house and kitchen or what I should do. Then I realized that a good knife is an important part of a good kitchen and it was really nice of her to gift it to me.

She would never stop us going home while on vacation. Normally one would expect a mother-in- law to have a problem with their daughter-in-law going home but Ammachy would not mind. Of course she sure wanted her children to spend time with her at home.

When I think of Achayan, I feel happy and thankful to have had him also as my father. He was a gentleman, a good father, a good neighbor, a good friend to so many and above all a good Christian. I have heard that he was a good teacher and a bad businessman as Biju puts it but I never got to see that side of him. He had a wide circle of friends and knew all relatives, his own and surprisingly even mine. He is the one who taught me all about my grandparents' extended family. You see at that time, I knew my aunts and uncles very well but not so much my relatives at my grandparents' level. But he knew each and every one so well.

I remember him climbing the Puthuppally hill to see Madhu when he was a baby. He would do this quite often and he was quite excited on the baptism day as he was going to be the god father. When we were in Trivandrum, Achayan and Ammachi came and stayed with us for a few days. Ammachi was quite happy to stay there and would never interfere in the running of the house. She would cut vegetables and then take rest. Achayan was a different story though. He could never stay at home. He would visit all the neighbors and by the end of their stay he had made lots of friends.

We were lucky to stay with Ammachi and Achayan for 2 months when Ammachi was bed-ridden. I would cook up curries like ‘chakkakuru manga’ (jackfruit and sour mango curry) and ‘chemmenum manga’ (prawn and sour mango curry) and so on. As mentioned by Johny, Achayan was very fond of food. And once he said it tasted exactly like his mother’s preparation. What was the secret? I used to, very sneakily, ask my aunt for the recipes and prepare them. Even though I had to work quite a lot, I would feel happy when he enjoyed eating it.

Achayan and Ammachy were good people. They used to argue a lot but never used to shout at each other or use bad language. When Ammachi was bed-ridden and couldn’t talk too much, she would always want someone near her. I still remember whenever Achayan used to pass by the room she would stretch out her hands. Most times Achayan would never see but whenever he did, he would go into the room, hold her hand and sit there for a while and talk, True love to the end.

I am happy to be a part of this family. All the credit goes to Achayan and Ammachy for bringing up their children so well. I have never seen them fighting with each other or with other people. So hats off to them and I thank Almighty for their lives and their love for each other and for us.

When I think of Ammachi, I remember her walking up and down the kitchen and I can still hear the sound of her chappals on the floor very clearly even now...

My Chirayil Family – Rebeca Mathew

I have a strong passion for my maternal grandfather who I called Kottayam Appachen. He was a very lovable person.

My earliest memory of him is that he used to send me biblical story books in Malayalam. As I was studying in Delhi at that time and was not familiar with Malayalam words it was of great help to me and my mother who used to tell me those stories before my afternoon naps.
When we came to Kerala from Delhi, even though we were going to my paternal grandparents’ house in Chengannur, he would be waiting to greet us at Kottayam station and he would invite us to come to Kottayam at the earliest.

People of all age i.e., from small children to very old people enjoyed his company. All of his grandchildren loved him very much. He knew each and every one of them at heart and dealt with each likewise which was really amazing and is a memory which I still keep close to my heart.

Appachen knew many Malayalam and English folk songs and he used to sing them with gestures. As I was a small child and loved music, I would fall into giggles on seeing them. I remember the cat which Ammachi hated, curling over Appachen’s bushy chest hair during his afternoon siesta. Even though Ammachi was bedridden at that time, she could feel the cat’s presence and would shout to shoo it off.

I always remember Ammachi as a strict person and a gorgeous cook. The taste of her beef ullarthiyathu, cabbage thoran, sambar and pacha moru (in that combination) still stimulates my taste buds and to avoid “direct competition” I never make it. As my brother wrote, she used to keep the kitchen very neat which I admired and I now try to do the same!

My mother was very much fond of all her brothers and sisters and I still remember her talking about each one of them often. She told me that tears would run down Johnychayan’s eyes during her story sessions which Ammachi found as an alternative to keep her children calm and quiet.
I was always fascinated by the way Leelakochamma used to keep her clothes in the cupboard. During summer holidays most of the family members would come together at Kottayam. The nightly talking sessions were very interesting. Appachen, Ammachi and all of us would gather together for the evening prayer.

During my mother’s period of illness, all her brothers and sisters looked after her very much. They even left their families and were extremely keen on helping her. We cousins also have that sort of a strong bond between us even though we are in different parts of the world and busy with our own duties.

I always loved being part of a close knit family. I am fortunate by the grace of God to be linked to such a family. I thank my cousin Lisa for giving me this opportunity to write about Chirayil Family. I hope and pray to God that this bond of love between family members will be continued for ever.

What I learnt from my parents - Lily Mathew

Let me start with Ammachi. The foremost impression about her would be that she had dedicated herself to the wellbeing of her children. Ammachi sacrificed her comforts and leisure for her seven children and cared for them equally. She knew our potential and short comings and ably guided them accordingly. She always had a good idea about our teachers, friends and class work. When we returned home after an examination, she could guess how many marks we would score from our body language. Ammachi was proud of her children. It was her firm belief that her children would not lie or do anything that was wrong. Her belief in us saved us from many a wrong deed in our life. I do not recall Ammachi ever punishing us, physically or otherwise. But her scolding was powerful enough. She wanted all of us to have a good education and for that our studies in the lower classes had to be good enough for us to build upon later so she focused her efforts to give us that strong base. As she put it in her colourful way, she had to do all this with one child inside her, one on her hips and one underfoot.

I always tried to limit my study period to a minimum, but stood little chance in avoiding her eagle eye or strong reaction to such tactics. The final university examination for languages was held immediately at the end of my 2nd year of B.Sc and so the usual annual examination for the subjects [Physics and Mathematics] was rescheduled after the long summer holidays. I was reluctant to study during the holidays but Ammachi thought otherwise so I ended up revising and getting a better grasp of the fundamentals during the holidays. This, I think, helped me to graduate with higher grades. If we did not do well in our studies, the feeling that we would be letting her down was always at the back of our mind. Her family always came first for Ammachi.

Achayan was different. It did seem that social commitment came first with him. He was always active in public affairs. Though he was very pleased when we excelled in something and was always willing to help out if approached, Ammachi was the one who put in the hard work and effort. Achayan liked people and cared for them. He was always prepared to help others. We never found him jealous of other’s successes and he was always glad when somebody did well. He refrained from smoking, drinking and most other bad habits except perhaps his love for food, especially well cooked food! He tended to trust everybody unlike Ammachi who had a knack for assessing people with a high degree of accuracy. He found great pleasure in company, inviting them home, serving them good food and talking to them. The difficulties at home hardly ever deterred him from this exercise.

Achayan and Ammachi did not see eye to eye on many things. But there was deep respect and affection between them. During our school days we had to return home before nightfall. The process of settling down for our evening studies usually started with arguments and quarrels and ended only when Ammachi entered the scene. Then it was time for bathing, study and dinner in that order. Achayan would return from the local club or other activity but by then all the hullabaloo was over and the scene was peaceful. The younger kids were asleep by that time. After Achayan’s bath and dinner we would assemble for evening family prayer. This was usually followed by a family chit chat session. Looking back, I feel that that was a very enjoyable part of the day.

Even in our college days, when we returned home for our holidays we tended to share our experience at college and hostel with Ammachi. She was always an interested listener. The usual venue for these conversations was the kitchen. So we were always aware of each other's college and hostel life, friends, teachers etc. Susy, the eldest of us, had a special talent for going into detail in such a way that made it very interesting to listen to. Achayan had no time to spare for such things and hardly ever participated. Later in life he used to say half jokingly that we were all more close to Ammachi. Still later, he often fondly reminded us of Ammachi’s role in our upbringing and achievements. Achayan and Ammachi were able to keep high moral and religious standards, took the effort to develop the same attitudes within us and taught us to be equitable in all our dealings.

Ammachi bribed me - Nisha Mathew

When I first heard about the Chirayil Chronicles Blog I was stumped. I didn’t know what to write and wholly attributed it to bad memory. Then as I started reading the posts I felt bad that I still couldn’t figure out what I wanted to write (I wonder if bad memory is in the family). So I thought I would just let it slide till Amma decided to help me out a bit… very sly on her part I must say!

The earliest snippets of memory I have of Kerala and the extended family is of the vacations spent with them but that was a month’s worth of bonding once in 2 or 3 years, gone too soon and with too little time spent with anyone in particular. However I did get to spend 2 whole months in Kerala with Appachen and Ammachi once because Nimmu Aunty, Kalpana and Kavita were away travelling with Johny Appa and I think I will write a little bit about that time.

Being the whiny child I was, I complained quite a bit about staying there and doing nothing fun. Ammachi was not well by then and was bedridden with a home nurse to look after her. She used to miss having people around her and it fell upon me, very naturally, to give her company. I would spend my days at her bed side, hold her hand and quietly read a book. Looking back, it was such a peaceful time, not wasted on small talk but in our own special way grandmom and granddaughter got a chance to bond.

For those wondering about the title, here we go. Yes, I used to sit by her side but do not think that I went down without a fight! Everyday was a bargaining battle between me and Ammachi. In other words she used to bribe me to sit with her and I used to absolutely love it! We were forever fighting about the status of the fan in the room. I liked to have the fan running while she preferred it otherwise. So while the home nurse would quietly endure the Kerala heat, Ammachi gave me permission to switch the fan on the entire time I would sit with her but I think we bargained it down to alternate days because I remember being positively hot and bothered some days. I guess that’s why she offered me her new chappals as a bribe ;-) Now I wonder if I took her up on the offer or not.

It still feels a bit weird to walk into that room even after so many years. It was her room and will always be.

About Appachen, I remember that Amma would spend quite a lot of time in the kitchen preparing some special dish or the other and would then wait for Appachen to finish eating it. He being the sweetest person would eat with relish and compliment Amma on another great meal. Meanwhile I would be complaining about all the food items on my plate (no offence mom!). The evening prayers were an event even though I would fall asleep halfway thru it. Appachen would make sure he included everyone in his prayers. Another special time for me and a reason to take a break was when he would come into Ammachi’s room and hold her hand and talk. I never stuck around to find out what they talked about or if they even talked really, though I now wish I had!

For all the fights and the bargaining, I felt horrible leaving them, leaving her at the end of those 2 months, all complaints forgotten. These are good memories to have even though I might have forgotten it for a bit. Thank you Amma for reminding me!

Our Role Models - Valsa Jacob

Achayan and my father were old friends so when I came as a bride to my new home, I had an extra feeling of happiness.

Achayan and Ammachi were very different in nature and character but both loved their children deeply. Ammachi was ready for any extent of sacrifice for the wellbeing and progress of the children. I think that this character trait has been transmitted to the children also, though to a lesser extent.

Achayan was of a very social and outgoing nature. Everyday, atleast one new person got acquainted with him and they rarely forgot him. He was a teacher for more than 35 years and his students had loving memories of him.

Recently I had an experience of this when the students and teachers of our school planned a trip to Chennai. I contacted a cousin of my colleague who is an advocate there. When I said I belonged to Chirayil family in Kanjikuzhy, his instant response was whether I was related to Mathew Sir.

Both Achayan and Ammachi were straightforward and broadminded. They are role models to the children and remain ever fresh in our memories.

Vivid flashbacks of Kottayam - Elisabeth Jacob

Whenever I think of Appachan and Ammachi, I remember many people, homes, places, incidences and smells of Kottayam rather than two persons. These things to a large extent made my childhood happy and secure and helped to develop a sense of belonging and also gave meaning to relationships.

A trip to Kottayam was something I always looked forward to. When it was a ride in our Herald car, the three things I remember most are the coffee we drank from the flask during the ride, the place in Vaikom where they sell Karimeen and the tense moment when we were about to climb a steep road somewhere after Vaikom. But I think 99% of the time the Herald car climbed the steep without any hitch.

Usually we took a train journey on the Ernakulam-Kottayam passenger train which started from Ernakulam South Station. At the railway station, we would weigh ourselves on the weighing machine and compare our futures which were printed on the other side of the card which gave us our weight. If it was only Amma, Akka (Big sis) and I, we always sat in the compartment reserved for Ladies. Since the train started from Ernakulam, it was almost empty and Akka and I would take the window seat. The hard wooden seats inside the compartment and the coffee in the paper cup are unforgettable. Whenever a curve came, we would press our faces close to the window to look out and be able to see both ends of the train. When it was a coal engine, we could see the thick black smoke coming out of the chimney and by the end of the journey, a thin black film of soot had settled on our faces.

In Ernakulam it was always red Private buses on the roads, but in Kottayam they were multi-coloured and the bus which stopped in Kalathippady (I think it was called Monichen, wasn’t it?) was orange in colour. When Appachan and Ammachi were staying in the old house, after getting down at the bus stop, we would start walking and would invariably meet one or two relatives so Amma would stop to have a small chat. Amma has this special ability to remember the complicated way a person is related to the family!

The black gate, the mittam (front yard) with charal (stones), the tapioca plants on both sides, the lone Chetthi plant in front of the house, the front door with the little bars, all used to give me a homecoming feeling. Most of the time, nobody would be there in the front part of the house. We would just walk in, put away our bags in one of the rooms and then go to the kitchen where sure enough we found Ammachi near the aduppu (wood stove) or sitting in a chair doing some cutting.
I don't think I had any long conversations or for that matter any small conversation with Appachan or Ammachi. Most of the time it is Amma's or my uncles' and aunts' reminiscences about them which formed a picture in my mind. I always considered Ammachi as a woman with strong will. All her children used to say how Ammachi used to keep prodding them to study, how she considered all her children as the best. Having seven kids and living far away from her relatives with little support from Appachan must have been very tough!

The kitchen in the old house brings to mind Eli and Maria, the two ladies who helped Ammachi. Eli's head always used to move from side to side and Maria had a wide smile which used to show her teeth, which at that time I thought was perfectly set ;-) Ammachi used to move around the kitchen in unhurried steps. The rubber slippers she wore used to make a typical sound. Amma and Akka inherited her ability to cut vegetables finely. I only got the ability to appreciate fine cut vegetables! Though Ammachi didn't approve of it, I enjoyed putting Ola (coconut leaf used for kindling) into the aduppu to watch it catch flame. I remember the kuzhal (blower) to blow in the air and make the firewood catch fire, the pazhakula (bunches of bananas) in the storeroom, the nellu (grain) in the chembu (iron pot) outside the kitchen to be boiled and the brass pot used to boil the water for bathing.

I used to enjoy sipping morning coffee in a glass. It was always puttu (rice flour breakfast meal) and banana for breakfast. By noon, curry and rice was on the table. After lunch, Ammachi kept the leftovers in small plates in the meat safe. I was always tempted to open that small almirah with wire mesh doors but had the courage to do it only after Ammachi went for her afternoon nap. I remember that special smell it had when opened. One by one ;-) I used to pick up and eat the sautéed beans, bitter gourd mezhukkupuratti and the fried (almost black) small pieces of beef.

After the evening tea, we went to visit relatives’ houses. The walk through that narrow thondu (trail) was very exciting. It looked like a maze with big Aanjali trees beside it. The ferns that grew in the space between the stones that made up the walls used to give a damp feeling. We usually came back after 2-3 hours. Ammachi was not very happy about this latecoming and I think since it was Amma she had to deal with, she never ventured into an argument but her silence said it all. At night, the lights were so dim that I was afraid to go to the bedroom without Amma. And Amma (I felt) took her own sweet time to help Ammachi to clean the kitchen. I don't know whether Ammachi appreciated Amma entering into her domain, Akka says they used to argue.

Some of the images that come to my mind when I think of Appachan are; sitting in the grand old chair in front of the table writing in a dairy, reading the newspaper in the cane chair on the verandah or lying down on the bed in the middle room. People used to come home and talk to him and by evening he was out for a walk or to visit somebody. Often Pappachan and Paravan would come to enquire about the work they had to do. I liked to listen to the conversation they had with Appachan. I think both of them had the typical Kottayam accent.

Sometimes when he lay down after lunch, we would ask him to sing and 8 out of 10 times he starts with "Moonu kurutu elikal…" in his vibrating sound. Amma says he was a good teacher and especially the best Geography teacher she knew as he always taught with the help of a map. I think she got her habit of collecting maps of different countries and showing the places in the map to anybody who shows the slight interest from him. Woe betide the the person who is closely related because then even if they are not interested, she will insist on reviewing the map with them!

The hymn “Yesu enn adisthanam…” always reminds me of that dining room and my uncles, aunts, and cousins sitting around the table for prayer. After the prayer, I believe he used to wait for those present in the table to ask a question and initiate a conversation.

I loved both my grandparents and they bound together a big family which gave me this special opportunity to boast of them to anybody who cares to listen and especially to Shaji ;-)

Memoirs of a Grandchild – Kavitha John

Or so I’d like to summarize these few lines I’ve penned down about a couple of moments shared with my grandparents in a time long gone by although I’m afraid that this doesn’t quite qualify for such a title ;-)

Being the thirteenth in a long line of grandchildren and pretty much one amongst the last, I truly can’t comment on the personalities that were Appachen and Ammachy. In fact a thought that has often troubled me is that while they were alive, I took Appachen and Ammachy for granted. To this day I regret that I never really got to know them. Then again I have reasoned and found consolation in that I was merely a kid who hardly understood the dynamics of the world or life as such!

Of the few images I have stashed away in the far recesses of my mind, there are two that I particularly remember. One is of Ammachy sitting on the stairs looking out of the open front door, watching while I dash into the house after spending another torturous day at the playschool (I guess I take after my father in that one).

The other is Appachen walking purposefully towards Kalathipady, swinging his walking stick and looking straight ahead with his head held high. Quite the picture of a very confident man I must say. A word about this walking stick if I may; it served as my make believe mike whenever I took off on my flights of fantasy, entertaining a nonexistent audience!

There are other memories, more of Appachen than of Ammachy, which are flashes from the past. These however, are the two that pop up most often when I remember Appachen and Ammachy.